well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
