cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
