Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
