They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
