tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
