I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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