I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
