my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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