I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
