Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
