She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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