THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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