dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize