This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
