i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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