She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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