just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
