Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
