i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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