watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
