I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
