Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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