I need help removing her.
no, he came in my armpit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
