i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
