I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
