I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
