After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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