I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize