You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
