i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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