What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
