Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
