I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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