We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize