I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
