woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
