dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
