This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
