This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize