Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
