we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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