Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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