It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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