two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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