i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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