Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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