my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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