i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
