The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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