And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
