We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
