Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize