Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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