Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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