Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
