forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
