im about as happy as oj after his trial
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
