i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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