I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
