Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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