Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
