why do cheetos always look like penises
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
