Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
