I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I faked an abortion last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
