Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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