Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
