U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
