Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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