i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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