a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize