so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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