we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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