You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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