omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They have beer where we have blood.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
