he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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