If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
