We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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