Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
