So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
