Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
