I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize