I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
