it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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