Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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