just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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