i permit you to call me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
