Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
