OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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