apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize