Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
