So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
