It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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