so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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